Does anyone else get stuck in a writing rut they feel like they can’t get out of? I don’t mean struggling for inspiration – I’ve got lists of stories that are begging to be told – but the writing part, that’s the bit that’s hitting me hard right now. I go to write about a recent trip, but the words just don’t seem to come to me. It’s like my brain is too busy thinking about a billion other things, that it won’t allow me 30 minutes to draft up a memory.
Even now, it’s taken me just under an hour to write a simple paragraph because I’m constantly getting distracted by other thoughts. I mean, I’m not the most focused person in the world, but I’m also not the most complex. I always thought of myself as an ‘in the moment’ kind of girl, but I’ve been so wrapped up in my brain lately that it’s hard to comprehend there ever being a version of me who lived in the now.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we spend so much time worrying and hoping, and thinking about the past, or a future that hasn’t happened yet? I swear I spend more time day dreaming about my future than I do making sure those dreams become a reality. And what’s the use in dreaming if you don’t actually put in the work to achieve those goals?
So today, as I struggle to write once more, I’m going to try something a little different, and list some of the things I’ve been thinking about a little too much recently, then maybe I can start getting a little closer to where I want to be, and stop letting my thoughts take over.
Let’s start with the most obvious thing since this is a travel blog – I would love to travel more. I am filled to the brim with Wanderlust and spend my days dreaming about the places I want to visit, which is probably the main reason I can rarely stay focused on anything.
Jess and I talk about travelling a lot. We must spend at least half an hour a day on Facebook tagging each other in holiday packages, cheap flights, and beautiful photos taken around the world. I even have pinterest boards for every country you could imagine – but we rarely end up booking anything.
Why aren’t we booking things? Obviously you have to take things like money and time and all those annoying adulty things into account, but travelling is something I am truly passionate about so shouldn’t I be able to find a way to make it work rather than just spending my time dreaming about it?
The Bucket List
I created my bucket list a long time ago when I was having a hard time processing the fact that I had wasted so much of my life on the wrong person, and over the past five years I have put a lot of effort into developing it and crossing things off, and it’s now an almost perfect representation of me as a person.
It’s something I’m still incredibly proud of, even if I rarely look at it anymore – which I want to change. I don’t think it’s quite as important to me now that I’ve found someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with – because I know no day will ever be wasted – but it is still a big part of my life.
Some of my happiest memories come from crossing things off that list, from seeing 100 bands in a single year, to hiking my way to Machu Picchu, and jumping out of an aeroplane. I’d like to be able to start living my bucket list again, rather than just reminiscing about it.
I’ve lived a huge portion of my life spending my wages as soon as they’ve gone into my bank account. Whether that’s on frivolous purchases, expensive nights out, or takeaways and brunch – and I’ve been content with that for a long time.
I’ve never really had the desire to save for anything other than trips abroad, and a house definitely wasn’t on my radar, but living with Jess has made me realise how much I’d love to have a home of my own.
I earn enough money to be able to save for a house and still travel, but I just haven’t managed to get into that mind set of not spontaneously buying things whenever I want to. I really need to re-prioritise my expenses and start putting money away instead of just dreaming about winning the lottery.
Over the past year and a bit I have manged to put on close to three stone. I can’t pinpoint exactly how it happened, because I exercise just as little as I did before, but something tells me it’s to do with that thing they call comfort weight – you know, when you get into a new relationship and both turn into ridiculously comfy slobs.
I think I’m now the heaviest I’ve ever been, and I’m really starting to feel it. It probably doesn’t help that I’m getting older either, which I guess is another reason to shift the pounds whilst I still can.
I know that hitting the gym and eating better will have positive effects on me physically and mentally, but it’s so much easier to just imagine you’re healthier, and look great in photos, and don’t get out of breath walking up the stairs, rather than actually putting in the effort to feel amazing.
I guess this particular goal is the reason I’m writing this post in the first place. I spend a lot of time thinking about what this blog could be, where it could go, what I could share, and then I never actually end up posting anything.
I spend more time planning what I’m going to write, worrying about what the blog looks like, or how my Instagram photos ‘gel’ together, than I do sharing the things I want to share. I also have this incessant need to rewrite a post like 20 times before I post it, and I’m still never happy when it goes live – if it ever does.
I think this is something a lot of writers have to deal with, I just never thought that would be me. When I first started this blog, I had so much to say, and it came so easily because I wasn’t writing for anyone else but myself, and I want to go back to that – writing for me – and if anyone else wants to come along for the ride, then that’s great too.
Appreciate and Celebrate
This final goal is probably the easiest thing on this list because it requires very little effort, but appreciating what you have and celebrating the little things can be a lot harder than you expect.
If I were more grateful for everything I have, then I don’t think I’d be writing all of this right now – why do you need to obsessively think about the future when you have everything you want already. I am an incredibly lucky person, and I just need to make sure I remember that every day.
I also want to be able to celebrate as much as possible – celebrate the important and stupid things, celebrate being alive. I think it’s another great way to appreciate what you have and will help me live in the moment than in my head.